Being among people who have like-minded interests and want to make new friends is a good start to a real social life.
Dear Ellie: I am a woman in my late twenties who has been through incredible pain from a car accident that left me with severe back injuries. It also made me quit a job that required me to stand for long periods of time.
Worse, it ended my socializing. A girlfriend my age walked away because she was willing to meet men, date online, and attend events that could lead to meeting new men.
I desperately needed company, but most of the time I was home with my mom. I am grateful to her mother. But it’s not the same as being with your best friend or meeting someone new who sees you as someone special.
I got the impression from a guy I met online that after 18 months together, he was in worse shape than I was.
After several years of therapy, I am ready to embrace social life as much as I can. I would like to find someone who can help me.
I stopped dating “strangers” online.
I live in a small but interesting city. How can you make new friends when your life is limited by previous injuries and your friendships are fading?
lonely twenties
Scan your local newspaper for a list of ‘events’ and ‘gatherings’ in your area. At Interesting Cities, you’ll find a variety of neighborhood get-togethers that offer inexpensive music events, small neighborhood theaters, movie and drama clubs, and meetup.com clubs.
Also consider things you weren’t interested in before, like painting or speaking French or Spanish. Participate in outdoor activities that you can safely handle, weather and physical recovery permitting.
Being among people who inevitably show like-minded interests and want to make new friends is a good start to a true social life.
Laugh a lot and be open to new conversations.
Dear Ellie: I am in my early 30s and met a man by chance. I have a very busy and demanding job that requires me to focus completely on my work. Also, I wasn’t interested in a relationship. But this guy keeps finding me when I’m at my busiest.
I ignored him at first because we have different backgrounds, religions, etc. I was convinced that we had nothing in common. No chance of winning.
But this guy kept coming into my sights and chatting with me, even when I was too busy shooing him away.
Now he waits for me every day at the door outside our office. But he never pushes for something as specific as “dating.” He just says he likes talking to me. One day, he brought me a sandwich and a coffee when he saw me exhausted from a product delivery problem. He’s taking me to the car now. And when crossing the road he started grabbing my arm.
Is it possible to fall in love based on small signs that someone respects you?
slow and steady
He is courting you very politely. Still, take the time to get to know him if you want to be able to develop a more intimate relationship. If he has serious feelings for you, he will respect your independence and ambition.
When he’s ready, introduce him to his parents and note how he reacts when you meet them. And ask to meet his family. Learning each other’s family values first is beneficial in new potentially serious relationships.
feedback About women who have anxiety and worries about their partner becoming a househusband (January 12):
reader “There was a lot of time when I wasn’t working as an actor, so I defaulted to being a househusband. I have three children, all of whom are adults now.
“I did all the necessary driving, school parent meetings, field trips, dentist appointments, shoe purchases, lunch and snacks. It was a lot of fun.
“I have been able to develop and develop close practical relationships with my children, and have been able to free up chore time for my spouse. .
“My wife has a career and recently told me she couldn’t have done it without me. She knew I was holding the fort.
“When she got home, dinner was piping hot and ready, and we all ate together.
“I love spending time with my kids and consider it a gift. We are all still very close.”
Ellie’s tip of the day
Explore different group activities in your city. It improves your life.
Please send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca or lisi@thestar.ca